Happy 40th birthday War on Drugs!

  • Happy 40th birthday War on Drugs!  (Al Jazeera) Even Jimmy Carter agrees we’ve clearly lost. (NYT)
  • Legalizing weed won’t stop the violence south of the border. (NYT) The US government is betting on arming the drug cartels instead. (WSJ)
  • Peruvians in particular, and people of Latin America in general, elect awful communist leaders because “they’re are politically immature. They’re attracted to colorful characters and they don’t know what’s good for them.” (Miami Herald) As opposed to Americans, who elected W. Bush. Twice.
  • Senile presidents-for-life Castro brothers visit Venezuela’s president-for-life Chavez in Cuban hospital to plot taking over the world. It’s just like a Stooges reunion, only with communists.  (AP)
  • Illegal Mexicans burning the country down, says some insane former important person. (Salon, Mi blog es tu blog)
  • Is there anything the Mexicans won’t steal? (Tucson Citizen)

 

Party Like There’s No Mañana!

  • The eighth annual Summer Latino Festival starts today in Northeast Alabama Community College! There will be music and food and sombreros and family portraits! Everybody’s welcome! (Times-Journal) In other news, every guest will be kindly asked to provide proof of citizenship or legal residency. (LA Times)
  • Peruvians get to choose a new president today! it will be either the deranged daughter of  convicted criminal ex president Alberto Fujimori or the communist liberal son of a communist. (Pick your source)
  • Soldiers detained former mayor of Tijuana, Mexico, and  corrupt perverted mother fucker with links to the drug cartels “successful businessman,” Jorge Hank Rhon over lots and lots of illegal weapons. The  Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI) is very upset: Hank Rhon comes from such a nice family! (Miami Herald)
  • A satanic cult desecrates religious imagery in Venezuela, aided by left-wing extremists. (Reuters)
  • Hispanics are guilty (“KUHL’-pah-blay” – well, actually kool-PAH-bleh, but, whatev) of overcrowding US jails. Why do Hispanics overcrowd everywhere they go? (USA Today)

 

Tequila Party Vs. Tea Party: Bring it on mother f*****s!

  • Tequila Party Vs. Tea Party: Bring it on mother f*****s! (The Week)
  • Sure, Mexicans are still being killed like sitting ducks, but the country’s economy is doing great! (Christian Science Monitor)
  • Homer Simpson helps to sell a lot of mediocre beer in Colombia. (UPI)
  • Bilingualism is good for your brain! (NYT)
  • North Carolina diner triples business after posting “No English, No Service” sign. (“…had nothing to do with ethicticity [sic]…it was a communication problem.”) (Business Insider)
  • Finally: God himself has arrived in Latin America. (Christian Post)

 

Race! Oil! Chocolate! Llamas’ poop!

Agustin Carstens

  • Lost in translation:  Latinos  confused about “race” on census forms. It’s actually more of us living in the country than initially thought! (Mercury News)
  • Mexico has nominated Agustin Carstens to replace Dominique Strauss-Kahn at the IMF. Before Carstens’ current stint as chief of Mexico’s central bank, he was president Calderon’s finance minister. It was in this capacity that he alone munched trough ALL of Mexico’s financial woes. (Reuters)
  • Presidential candidate Keiko Fujimori says her father, former president Alberto Fujimori, never had the “populist attitudes” seen in Venezuela’s president Hugo Chavez. Hugo Chavez is “dictatorial.” Alberto Fujimori is in jail for corruption and assassinations. At least dad’s close to the family now. In jail. (AP)
  • Now that his country is broke, Venezuela’s evil communist dictator Hugo Chávez doesn’t hold as much influence in Latin America as he used to. (WP)
  • “Witches broom” wiping out coca crops from Mexico to Brazil. Willy Wonka devastated. (WSJ)
  • Llamas’ poop helped the Incas create the biggest empire in the Americas, until the Spaniards killed them. The Incas. There are still a lot of llamas in Peru. (The Guardian)

¡Ajúa!

  • “Botas picudas” from Matehuala, Mexico, are the new fashion craze! (NPR)*
  • Peru’s presidential candidate, Keiko Fujimori (daughter of former terrorist president Alberto Fujimori) has hired former 9/11 New York mayor Rudolph W. Giuliani as an adviser. Because we all know how great a candidate he was when he ran for president! Giuliani will be in Peru for a few days, and solve the country’s problems as he did for Mexico back in 2003. (WP)
  • Three Mexican billionaires fight over who will ultimately monopolize Mexico’s telecommunications market. (LAT)
  • Latinos need a tequila party to rock the vote. ‘Nuf said. (USAToday)
  • Former Mexicana flight attendants pose for Playboy. (Fox News Latino)

*Brownie bonus: Watch the video!

 

Run for the Border! (heading north)

  • American diplomats abandon Latin America in troves. At a time when there are no US ambassadors in Mexico, Venezuela, Ecuador or Bolivia, the Obama administration’s senior diplomat for Latin America is stepping down. (WP)
  • Latin American presidents snub the US and reach to an Israeli security company to help them defeat guerrillas, buy weapons and tap opponents phones. US business threatened. (MH)
  • Mexicans pay to watch a lot of pay-TV.  Carlos Slim to take over the market, as he has taken over the world. (Portada)
  • A moat and alligators on the border might work. Alien Mexicans drug-dealer-kidnappers causing fires. (FoxNews)

Photo: Rabid Republican Blog

Musings from American newspapers



  • Conservative billionaire leads Chilean presidential elections. Blame it on the kids.  NYT, WSJ.
  • Cuba jails American street peddler outsourced there by the Obama administration. LAT, NYTWP.
  • Mexico’s narcos spend their money on wheels with bling. Duh. NYT.
  • Cops kill many, many people in Brazil. WP, NYT, LAT.
  • Cuban witches steal human bones from Venezuelan cemeteries. For real. NYT.
  • Ousted Honduran leader, Manuel Zelaya, to stay in the Brazil embassy in Tegucigalpa for ever and ever. Brazilians annoyed. LATNYT.
  • Street vendor “elected” borough delegate in rough Mexico City hood, “Juanito,” forced to resign. “Juanito”  got “elected” by some people, but only if he resigned shortly after, so somebody else, who wanted that job but couldn’t have it at that point for some reason, could take it. But then “Juanito” decided to stay in the job, and then the same people who put him there were angry,  so he took a leave of absence, but then he returned to the job again. In any event, he falsified his birth certificate and now is gone. The end? LAT.

Headlines

  • Brazil beats Mexico and Venezuela in oil production. Cheney plans invasion. (WSJ)
  • Latin Americans dislike Venezuelan president Hugo Chávez. Latin Americans like better Latin American president Barack Obama. (Winnipeg Free Press)
  • European Union and Latin America agree over bananas. (WSJ,BBC News)
  • LA Times not happy with death of drug lord Arturo Beltran Leyva. Drug Lord “Chapo” Guzmán still one of Forbes‘ world billionaires.  (LAT)
  • Fidel Castro condemns repression… In Copenhagen. (Granma)

 

Gone Legal


  • Mexico City and the Argentinian Patagonia go legal gay, ruining marriage for good Catholics. (LATUSA Today)
  • Latin America needs to fight the capitalist-imperialists pigs to survive 2010. (The Guardian)
  • Latin America needs to watch more cartoons in English to survive 2010. (Chicago Tribune)
  • Move over Latin American Catholics, the Protestants are coming down. (CSM)
  • Fidel: Obama’s friendly, African-American face masks his sinister intentions to control LA. (NYT)
  • Unsupervised Mexican teens, flooding the US to take the real Americans’ jobs, get sold as slaves. (El Universal)
  • Mexican women fight recession by donning new red underwear in new year’s eve. (WP)

 

Gone Missing

  • Mexican authorities have suspended their investigation into the disappearance of a former presidential candidate and party boss Diego Fernandez de Cevallos. The family doesn’t want the authorities to  interfere help with the negotiations. (CNN.com)
  • U.S. and British diplomats along with some other important  people want Brazil to stop playing with Iran because Iran is EVIL. Brazil’s president Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva just wants attention. (LAT)
  • A sex toys company is using tiny Uruguay as guinea pigs to sell their products door to door. The experiment is working. (The Independent)
  • Mexican president Felipe Calderon told the U.S. congress that the new Arizona law is a “Terrible idea.” Minutes later he was taken to Arizona and deported. (NYT)